Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
