escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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