I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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