I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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