dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
