i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
