Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
