Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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