3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
