ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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