The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
