Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I feel great
I just peed on a car
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
