my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
