Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you never un-have a 4some
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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