Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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