"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
