A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
