she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
