My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
