her vagine was all disorganized.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
