I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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