Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
