I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
