Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
