if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
