In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
