he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just pee around me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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