I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
