a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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