It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
