Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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