Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
