Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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