Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
