i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
