so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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