would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I need to sanitize my soul.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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