Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
