I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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