Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
