Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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