:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
