My vagina just recognized that song.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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