smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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