If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
