my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
