oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
