Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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