weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
