I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
