good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
